Personal Bests are not necessarily fulfilling

me on a good day

By the way these BLOGs are written to challenge my thinking, I just write down them down! I always try out arguments and do what I reckon you should do and that is perform 'thought experiments' and take them to the next chain of the 'therefore'..

As I get older I have a lot of questions about my running performances and what they really mean to me.  What is performance? Who am I performing for? Am I really going to compete or am I going to complete?  These questions need answering, or at least I feel they need answering?  I am even unsure of the word 'performing' in the context of me and running?  When I look at the dictionary definition of 'performance' there are a number of synonomous definitions   such as execution, show, accomplishment and the one, I feel is more me, is the word fulfillment.

fulfilled? I was :)

So, let me try that word on my practice of running. Do I find it fulfilling, does it fill me more than the simple act of running. Can I use the running experience as a fuel that I tap into and use in other areas of my life?  If I focus on times and events would I personally find this fulfilling?  I think the word has more longevity than 'performance' as this can be a temporary shot of accomplishment, that drifts away from you as you look towards the next event?

 Let us say you broke the world record, that is an amazing achievement, it is highly accomplished but would you find it fulfilling?  Some great sports stars who possess fantastic talent do not appear to have this fulfilling experience linked to their achievement and performance?

So after much thinking and mental argument in my head here are my lists of reasons why running allows me to have a fulfilling life,  a full life, a balanced life, a compassionate life and a giving life. Now, I do other things as well such as tutor, cook, practice Yoga, teach a little and read etc so all of these things contribute but since this is a kind of running blog then let us stick to running. So here we go........

I take a small camera. Notice everything:)

• To continue to have good aerobic capacity for my age
• To have a good diet
• To improve my vegetarian cooking skills
• To be able to run at various distances between 1 mile and 20 miles in complete control; that is to be always focused enough to complete either a half marathon or less including the Puma trail series
• To enjoy Hills  :)
• To stop and look at the scenery and enjoy nature and the feeling of oneness with it
• To find lovely trails using my 1:25000 of Northumberland and write about them
• To have various workouts over the week that are planned and thought through on a weekly and sometimes during the workout. That is change the workout during the run!
• To have a positive attitude toward events and plan these with care to ensure no impact on family life
• To try and find a running partner to run on a regular 1/week basis? or 2 week/month basis.
• To be generous and attentive to people around me
• To continue to have a sense of personal practice, being careful to allow others to share, grow and develop
• To help young people in developing their attitudes and support them when in need

Over to you; why do you run?

Practice is different to training

'The hall mark of practice is wholeness, wholeheartedness, not being in conflict.......it is not about pushing through the pain or overcoming pain, no pain no gain.  If you are having to be brave and courageous in order to stoically withstand excessive intensity you are pushing too hard, you are fighting.  Never fight yourself, yoga/running is not about fighting.  Intensify when appropriate. Practice skilfully.  The optimum degree of intensity is the amount that elicits your fullest attention.’  

The above quote is from 'Erich Schiffman' and is a very sensitive way of dealing with the term 'practice' . You may remember I used this in my first BLOG but this quote is a fundamental in my view,personal growth and practice.  On first reading it may appear that there is an avoidance of intensity or 'pushing hard' but I feel that this is not the case.  As you gain mastery and confidence you gain further insights into how your practice works.

 In this instance I will refer to running and not YOGA with  one or two examples.  One of the best pieces of advice I have received from an experienced runner was not to do too much, too soon, too quick. When I began to run again  7 years ago after a 20 year rest:)  I did all three badly:) I would run too quickly and not sustain it, run too far and exhaust myself to the point of sleeping all day and too many runs during the week which meant injuries never really healed.

tools need toolmakers and tool users

Listening to yourself whilst running is a skilled and deliberate act.  When I practice running I have the same attitude now as I do with yoga. In other words, you give your fullest attention to all the detail that is around you. I mentioned in my previous BLOGs about tuning our instrument and likening a chi running and walking class to tuning instruments. We are all different so we sound and contribute to different parts of life's rich orchestra.  In a sense you are developing a runner's ear and just like learning how to play an instrument you begin to appreciate your ear for running.

maps are good but do not blindly follow

This attitude is not an immediate given, it develops, grows and evolves. Learning from your mistakes and understanding your body and how it moves is a better place to be than reading and transposing programmes onto your body. Programmes can help but they do not know you as you really know yourself. Another quote 'what is good, what is not good, do I really need to be told?'.   Do you really need to be told that you have run too far, pushed yourself over the edge, completed one too many hills or started your long run then to watch externally as it ends in a fast progression (negative splits) .

Chi Running is an attitudinal difference as well as the mine field of bio-mechanical advice.  It gets you into the right place mentally through listening and acting on your form through clear signposts. These are directions to follow but NOT I repeat NOT the given route to blindly follow. A centred approach to running is the template for life; if you give yourself time to listen to you and your inner cues then you will eventually give more to others, moment by moment. Breathing in each interaction and noticing each metaphorical step as you really notice and act on each step as you do through chi running.

My friend died

The title says it all really. A good friend passed away a few weeks ago.  I received the news at 9.30 on a Sunday morning, as soon as I heard the voice I knew.  Sid had died of a massive heart attack after feeling unwell for  a few days.

I liked Sid a lot, he was generous, kind and thoughtful; he loved company and being part of a large crowd but he was equally happy with small groups of people playing games and idling the time away.  What was most interesting about Sid was his chosen lifestyle.  He owned a camper van, music equipment and left much of his 'stuff' dotted around in very well ordered boxes in other people's houses.  I do mean very well ordered boxes as well. When I went up to see Phil my other good friend, Sid had left much of his stuff in the spare room.  It saddened me to see evidence of Sid around the room, his clothes, boxes and equipment.

 I was drawn to a little box that opened with a fabric hinge and fabric ties around the sides, this was his writing box.  My thoughts were just what value Sid placed on writing. His writing box had an assortment of pens, envelopes and paper, all neatly stacked and I remembered Sid flicking through this box when the mood took him to write to people.

The reason I am saying all this, is that Sid died with no immediate family, he was not married, had no children and no home.  However, he was rich in the fundamental aspect that I think is missing from a lot of what we do now. He learnt the secret of giving, being compassionate and living to the full in a very ordered and precise manner.  His service was not Christian, he was cremated at Melrose crematorium and his ashes were set sail on a little paper boat from Lindisfarne island.   A few hundred people met in the ancient market village of Belford , Northumberland and they had, by all accounts, a ball:)

Sid had found his secret to living a life that gave more in value to everyone he met.  He had his faults mind, everyone does but I shall miss Sid.  We spent a long hour up in Skye drinking in the pub in Carbost after a days walking, or a few hours 'jamming' on guitars and keyboards...stupid texts and stupid juvenile behaviour from blokes who should know better.



Running has made sense of this to me..just to let you know where this was going.  I have not run 'away' from this news but ran to own it and understand it. Apply what I have learnt focus and really appreciate what life can be about.    Keep practising!

On standing

I was reading 'light on yoga' the other day......or at least some of the introductory text on the basic asana 'tadasana'...the mountain pose. 

I had not read the description of the effect of this asana and how to perform it for a very long time. I think I had become mildly arrogant of knowing the movement hence no need to revisit the basics of Yoga.  After all I have been studying and practising for some time,.... he says.

B.K.S Iyengar states in the book

 'people do not pay enough attention to standing......their body weight is thrown on one leg, or on their heels or outside of their feet..........By standing correctly, the hips are pulled in, abdomen contracted, one feels light in the body and mentally agile'






Learning to stand, aligned and gentle is the beginning of the root cause of good running and walking. What I still find amazing is that by focusing on gently engaging your core and being aware of your weight you not only feel lighter but your mind also feels sharper and more aware.

Observing my breath, walking lightly, keeping my face relaxed and tongue passive I become much more in tune with my surroundings.  I am present in time and not simply being busy from one task to another.

This is the beginning of 'letting go' and recognising that our previous mental state is not as calm as it should be. I have likened this before to a jungle full of chattering monkeys' in the tree tops. A lot of conversations going on in our heads but we are not fully observant are in tune with any.  

Learning to simply stand and simply walk does actually take time because we get lost in moments as we go about our busy-ness but being present and mindful allows us to take in more and be in tune with our surroundings and people.

One of the side effects of good standing and walking is the excellent preparation for running. I simply do not think about 'running' but just about  extending that feeling into increased cadence and no more.

A simple message today with a simple tool but again simple does not mean easy :)

Buddhism is not the title!

new dawn

Over the next few blogs I will be reflecting on the writings of Stephen Bachelor, an ex tibetan and zen buddhist monk, who now practices in Northumberland. He stresses, and I agree with him, that Buddhism is not a religion (in fact the term Buddhism is a  Western term) and that all can practice 'Dharma'( the action of practice no matter what faith or belief system.) In this short article I simply set the scene and ask questions in the hope you may also reflect and think deeply about your purpose, meaning and contribution to life.

One of the key elements in Dharma practice is letting go of anguish and I share with you my deepest experience in coming to terms with that and arriving at who we are and what we should do with our time?

'I am avoiding a thought and it troubles me.  I skirt around it and look at as if looking down a dark pit, unearthly sounds rise up from this place. It is not a place for the human soul but it needs investigating....
Much of our lives are spent avoiding the deepest of troubling thought and that is the thought of our death, the final breath, the act of passing and of course decay.'

the mind of a child

This thought was in me for a long time, but I learnt to embrace this and allow it to penetrate my core.  I needed to make sense of this to move forward. Stop breathing and you die, you could die anytime, anywhere, any place.  Amazingly I argue that this thought is required for a transformative experience.

Stephen Bachelor in his book 'Buddhism without religion' asks this question and focuses on 'death meditation'.  From this angle it would appear deeply troubling as we might end up with the outcome that all is meaningless and there is nothing at all to pursue.

through the gate

In my view this is incorrect and the main thrust of the argument is that by focusing on death we come to the point of 'now, here and present'  This is where I am and I need to focus and be mindful on everything I do here.  Emptying our lives of much excess, materialistic greed, quick fixes and ego, is in my view the key to developing a deeper sense of purpose and view on our place in the world.

Simple practice, can put much anguish to rest; learning simple things and taking time to learn is not easy. Real learning is not only a competence experience but an emotional one. Chi Running, meditation, yoga and other 'arts' point to this and thus allow a more balanced and deep perspective of our relationships, work and overall purpose.

In practising yoga and chi running one learns the benefits of 'gongfu', which in Western parlance is 'deep learning'.  Surface learning is akin to ploughing a field very quickly and having narrow, shallow furrows, plants and crops take hold look good for a few months but then die off. The farmer may have a quick harvest but no more.  Deep furrows takes time, planning for personal growth requires patience and an awareness that we are not in complete control of all things. We can then harvest plentiful crops from our mind field and share with others.

 None of this is easy, I am as guilty as others for the quick fix, the new shoe, the running kit, answering the email but not really answering anything!  The quick meeting with no real outcome......BUT bringing your awareness to these issues helps immensely. Running can help develop this as a pointed out in my previous blogs;  to be honest solo running is my joy not the big races or events I like the benefits of mindful practice and focus in a quiet natural environment.  So next BLOG what is Dharma practice?

saying goodbye (the act of transformation)

storm clouds build in our lives

Finding out about people, what makes them tick, what motivates them and how they perceive themselves is part, I believe,  of the overall makeup of a coach.   Responding and listening to people during the process of the learning is important because even though the lesson seems fixed, the translation of the material either physically , emotionally or both is always varied.

As a teacher and teacher trainer for many years, I would always stress to new teachers that the construct is one area.  The blueprint to follow, but how that blueprint is followed and interpreted  is dependant on areas such as previous experiences, mood, physical and mental confidence etc.  so teaching people an awareness of themselves is not easy.  The detail may seem straightforward but easy,...no way.  

I had a 1-1 chi running session a little while ago.  The lady was lovely, obviously had had an active life and was keen to learn to run better.  She had got into the dreaded injury cycle of recovery and injury.  The way she approached her recuperation was to fight her self fit.  Beat the injury demons through shear strength and stoically withstand all that was thrown at her.  

When we worked through the material she was incredibly attentive, thoughtful and I felt was fully appreciative of the overall approach.  When I watched her run for the first few times it was clear to me that her translation of the overall approach was to use this as a way to fight herself out of injury into a new place.  We studied the video and we could both see that the drive, the push and the over stretching was all too apparent.  

At this point I decided to take her down to our local beach, shoes off and run with her. I ran with her for several small gear 1 gentle intervals, going back and studying her footprints.  I recorded several times and although the footprints improved, her lightness and overall posture relaxed I still felt that she was 'doing it for the camera'.  We had another conversation and this time I asked her to pretend to run away from her old self.  Literally peeling here self from her standing form as she moved and transformed to her new body image.    I even insisted that she said 'goodbye' to her old self as she started her run.  

growth needs to be small but beautiful
(that way you will hold onto it :) )

Even I was amazed at the transformation between assumed relaxed state and a true deeper more resonant state of focus.  You could see the tension in the shoulders disappear , the legs relax and the arms just swing and initiate.  All this was possible because she could relax around that core.  There was no tension and areas of real obstruction, or mental barriers between her perception and the reality of what she was trying to do.  

Same material, but the approach had to be different.  If life was simply following the blueprint then we would not be engaging in free choice, creative moments or acts of inspiration.  

On Emptying

To be human is to live through a myriad of emotions as we voyage through our lives.  Coming to terms with these emotions, I feel,  is a must for the human condition.  Avoiding and building layers around ourselves to become a 24-7 world simply deflects what our heart tells us. 'we need to seek space to find out who we are'.  

mmmmm

We are surrounded by inspirational people , places, works of arts and music. We can dip our toe into the ocean of ideas and come into contact with people who have had the inspiration or overriding desire to express the human condition in many forms.  

My favourite artist is Rothko, my favourite music is African, my favourite subjects are mathematics and music. I love poetry, the world's greatest poets do not waste one word.  As Dana Gioia said 'Poetry is the art of using words charged with their utmost meaning'

Lenses on our lives are made through the simplest of activities. The clearer the lens the more you will see humanity and this world for what it truly can be.  

Purity of thought, clarity of words, how we relate to others and what we give to humanity define us.  Running, for me, has allowed me to see this  in an uncluttered and simple manner.  We do not need to make our lives full to live, we need to empty to be! 

A poem by Mary Oliver

You do not have to be good

You do not have to walk on your knees

For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.

You only have to let the soft animal of your body 

Love what it loves.

Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.

Meanwhile the world goes on.

Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain

Are moving across the landscapes,

Over the prairies and deep trees,

The mountains and the rivers.

meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue sky,

Are heading home again.

Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,

The world offers to your imagination,

Calls to you like wild geese, harsh and exciting-

Over and over announcing your place

In the family of things.