Monday 12 March 2018

I am slowly getting comfortable enough in this belief to say’ I’m a runner’..'

 I'm sharing this again because I really liked the overall tone and feel. The journey and process is the destination. You have already arrived, there is no future possibility, be content with the now and things can happen from there.


"I’m not a runner. That was my mindset as recently as 10 weeks ago. At school, I did the 200m, as I was judged not fast enough for the 100m and without the stamina to get around a whole lap. In the long jump, I gamely placed my marker on the run-up about halfway between everyone else and the board, because if I run any further I would just have got slower. It’s fair to say, running has not been ‘my thing’. I have done lots of things - dancing, skiing, rowing, so I’m not without some track record of exercise, but not running. 


And yet, 5 years ago and approaching my mid-40s, I decided to enter a sprint triathlon. I still don’t know why, except that no one I knew did it. And I liked swimming and had a bike, but, of course, there was the 5km run to deal with. To convince myself I wasn’t totally mad, I got on a treadmill and ran 5km. No training. It took 50 minutes and killed my legs for a week, but at least I knew I would get through it and I started on a training plan, which took me through my first couple of sprint triathlons in a manner which I was happy with.


So the next 3 years I upped the distance to standard distance triathlon, complete with their 10km run. Still not a runner, but by now had established a ‘survival pace’ which got me through them in a bit over an hour. It seems ok to not be good at running in a multi-sport event, because you are not putting yourself forward ‘as a runner’. In the back of my mind lurks the idea of stepping up again, to a 70.3 distance. This, though, involves the half-marathon at the end. And that is where my wobbles truly start. Even using a phrase with the word ‘marathon’ in it starts to sound scary.


It occurred to me that, whilst I happily got coaching to learn and improve freestyle swimming and I sought advice on the bike, somehow I thought I should just be able to run. After all, everyone else can. Facing up to the ridiculous nature of this thought, I finally signed up for a Chi Running workshop close to home. I had read up on the concepts and philosophy and felt that this was something I could work with. Nick’s workshop turned out to be the start of my new relationship with running. It wasn’t an overnight transformation and it still isn’t an easy relationship, but this is what I have learned.


Firstly, I have permission to be slow. Or to walk. Or to go at any pace, or variety of paces, that I feel like. I have permission to have fun (and that’s a big one). I stop and take photos, much to the bemusement of my friends who run, to capture the essence of the day. I have permission to set my own rules. Nick definitely challenged my mindset and his enthusiasm was hard to deny. Of course, the workshop gave me some technical advice too (I think ‘hot, hot, hot’ and ‘African sun!’ when my legs get tired to help me focus on keeping light and airy, easier said than done when it’s sub-two degrees and snowing). But most of all, I realised that to get better at running and to make it a part of me, I simply have to run and do it for myself.


Five weeks into this year and I had already done more distance than the whole of last year. I had decided to run every day in January (just a mile, more if I felt like it) which took away most of my go-to excuses for not running. And I discovered that I sometimes enjoyed the snow, rain or wind and the dark nights! Not always, but sometimes. I expressed two goals at the workshop. The first was to feel like I was running with gravity and not fighting it, to feel like I belonged in that environment. It doesn’t always happen, but I’m getting there. A 7-mile run/walk in the snowy peak district last weekend turned out surprisingly satisfying, despite (or because of?) the challenges. My second goal was to complete a half-marathon. I have entered an event in June, accepting I will line up amongst runners, and training is in progress. I already know that I will do this ‘my way’ and I may yet choose to run/walk it. And if I do, that’s ok too, because this is running for me, to develop myself, to learn and progress. I am starting to realise that a runner is just someone who runs and enjoys the practice of running. No one should accept that this is defined by reaching a certain speed, distance or any other arbitrary measure. After a long time of negative affirmation, I am slowly getting comfortable enough in this belief to say’ I’m a runner’.

1 comment:

  1. Wise words indeed and much I can learn from I expect, thanks for sharing this Joanna & Nick

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